I feel so blessed and excited to announce that my hubby Mike and I are expecting! I’m 19 weeks and we are due early June.
While I am overjoyed, I’d be lying if I said this pregnancy hasn’t been laden with anxiety, especially early on. It has been a bit of a journey for us since deciding to try to start a family two years ago. As you may know, we suffered a devastating miscarriage at 13 weeks early last year, shortly after announcing our news. That pregnancy followed an early-term loss (blighted ovum), which followed nearly a year of trying to conceive. It’s been a rollercoaster, to say the least, but we feel blessed to be pregnant again and have not lost hope that we will have a family of our own.
My first trimester was filled with all the pregnancy symptoms. I wasn’t sick and vomiting every day (thank goodness) but weeks 5-9 were pretty awful. Nauseous yet starving, food aversions, digestion issues, discomfort in my pelvis including two days of extreme tailbone pain (crazy!), a week of utter exhaustion, peeing ALL the time, and some other fun ones I’ll spare you from reading. Aside from physically not feeling great, waiting for our first 8-week appointment was torture. The relief of seeing that little bean with her beating heart (yes, it’s a GIRL!) felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from our shoulders. The bliss lasted a couple of weeks but around week 10 the stress and anxiety started to creep in again. I think primarily because we were approaching the time that our previous miscarriage occurred. Pregnancy after loss is tricky. One moment I’m excited and on cloud nine that I’m pregnant but in the same breath, I’m subconsciously telling myself not to get too excited in case something happens. I would overanalyze every cramp or lack of symptoms. I remember sitting in the waiting room for our 12-week appointment feeling like I was going to be sick – not because of morning sickness but the anxiety of what the ultrasound may reveal. I think Mike and I literally held our breath as the sonographer started the ultrasound. Once I saw that heartbeat and heard her say “everything looks good” we let out a huge sigh of relief. I texted our moms immediately after the ultrasound “ALL IS WELL” and I’m pretty sure they felt relieved too. Our families and close friends have been right there with us in the thick of it, offering reassurance and prayers, which we’re so grateful for, but I’m sure on some level everyone has been a bit on edge.
I’m happy to report that after our 12-week appointment and the second-trimester milestone, I felt better, physically and emotionally. Being high-risk has its benefits and we’re lucky in that we have had an ultrasound about every 4 weeks up to this point. The regular check-in with our little babe and reassurance has been a godsend. We just had our 18-week level 2 ultrasound and I’m so happy that everything is looking good. My excitement progresses along with the pregnancy. I have started to make some decisions about the nursery design and we’ve decided on a name. I am trying to relax and enjoy it, be thankful for every day that I am pregnant and trust that God’s plan will play out how it’s supposed to.
Thank you for following our journey. The support I received when we shared our loss last year was extraordinary and comforting. For my fellow women that are struggling to conceive or have experienced loss or multiple losses, I feel you. I am sending you comfort and compassion and I hope our journey gives you some semblance of hope.
Photo Credit: My lovely friend Jacqui Cole
